The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life. What is the 90/10 Principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Let's use an example: You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day? A) Did the coffee cause it? Did your daughter cause it? C) Did the policeman cause it? D) Did you cause it? The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened: Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having. Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle: If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc. How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off! Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it. You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life!!

Are each of us a "human being", as the Native Americans once distinguished between those who were spiritually aware and those who were not, or simply an "animal"?
 
The following 3 quotes, by 3 great thinkers on the essence of what makes us trully human (conscience, morality/ethics, and free will in the present), will tell you. 
 
Think.  Who are each of us really?  Are we human or just animals in a man or woman's body?  The answer lies not in corpse, or the mind, but in our very soul.
 
"The worst condition a human being can fall into is lack of conscience." - Jean Cassou, The ethics of individual responsibility
 
"It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance." - Thomas Huxley
 
"The beginning is always today." - Mary Wollstonecraft

 

...And do remember, it is the existence of a conscience that makes us human, but there are good and evil human beings, but there is only one kind of animal....spiritually and morally unaware...hopeless.

 

I wonder which is worse?  The evil person or the morally deluded and lost.

"Life goes by pretty quick. If you don't slow down, you might miss it." - Ferris Bueller

 

For those of you who don't know, Ben Stein, who played the famous boring teacher for Ferris, is actually a financial columnist and major retirement investment advocate now.  It is one of the major parts of his life few know about....he has a very successful but quiet career outside of acting and entertainment.

 

The above quote was used by Ben Stein to show the need to save financially for a retirement where people could slow down and enjoy life.

 

However, in doing so he actually forgot the context of what Ferris mean in the famous movie "Fast Time....".

 

Ferris was actually talking about not letting life's responsibilities and obligations, which includes career, business, AND investments, get in the way of enjoying life itself.

 

It is true...life goes by quickly, especially when we are caught up in all of the things we think we MUST do....have you ever noticed when you just enjoy life, the days seem to often slow down?  And you relax and enjoy it more?

 

Slow down...enjoy life.  Sometimes a high scchool class-skipping teenager can teach us something valuable!!!

 

 

 

"Pain heals, scars fade, glory is eternal."

 

And those who seek peace and comes to its defense fight for the only glory that trully lasts.

 

 

 

The greatest love is unconditional, as it must be.  It requires self-less sacrifice and unflinching devotion, patience, and hope.

 

However, relationships are exactly the opposite.  They must have boundaries. The relationships we have, even those driven by deep and unconditional love, must always be conditional....for if there are not lines and loyalties and MUST-DO's, then we cheapen what love is, tempt our friends/spouses to disrespect us, and our meaningful relationships become corrupted.

 

If love is an action, which means it is reflected in what we do, and unconditional love allows for no limiits to the evil we allow in relationships, then we have a contradiction ---- how can unconditional and great love be (exist) when the actions shown in a relationships reflect a continous state of "no love" or worse, disrespect and loathing even?

 

 

             - The Traveller, a man of the 20th and 21st century

 ...............Does everything have to have a reason?

 ............... ...............Will I find answers to my questions?

 ............... ............... ...............Will this end with a succinct conclusion?  

 

The shifting in my heart, and the restless troublesome thoughts, are most uncomfortable lately…Maybe I need to deal with this alone....Perhaps I just have to listen to what a close friend said....just "Let it be."

i'm learning to use music and video to relax more

it's all kind of sad.

.....everyday I learn more to enjoy food, the moments, to chose that over working too much, and now to use music/video to lift my sprits.

and of coarse, to use excercise to give me the lift some use drugs/drink for, while others just suffer thru the bad times.

it's sad, because everyday i am becoming more like her, my ex

and she is becoming more like me (with responsibilities, thinking more and feeling less, seeing how each broken relationship breaks us irreparably, the value work and planning....because of the reality of the life she chose (for she is now alone)

how stupid some of us are sometimes

 

and how stupid those dumb ones make those that trust them look

 

it's really sad.....

 

how we could not have managed to learn from each other and thus come together more and stay together.....how she couldn't manage to tell me how it would be just one more time and see how things could have been.....did she ever really tell me how bad it was?  not really....amazing

"...pain heals....xxxxxxx....but glory never fades"

I can't remember the middle part right now.

And glory DOES fade.

...but if pain heals, that's all i want.

A man cannot cheat alone...there is always an immoral woman on the other side of the affairs

Few of these mistresses are as naive or ignorant as people think.

They are only naive to think they can steal what is not theirs, if they are lied to by the man that they help cheat and lie to his wife with....or they are ignorant enough to think they and the man they cheat with are of any value as a partner in any committed relationship.

 

It is a choice, and that choice is yours--choose wisely.

(An old story but one based on truth.)

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She
said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It
depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How
do
you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love
with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about
the
imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO
YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But
after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between
the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even
angry
subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria
of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for
fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby,
a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to
this
dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not
saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation
a
few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll
NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make"
it
day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly,
it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...
you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

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Welcome to this life I live in. Most look and see a happy guy, and as externals go I fit the bill well.

 

I've got a good career, have my act together financially, am well educated, seen places most people only dream or read about, and last I checked my looks and social skills were fine.

 

...but we all have our secret pain...and I have mine.

 

...perhaps you will know it one day....if I trust you enough.

 

In the interim, enjoy this site dedicated to my self-expression and ego :).

 

 

Brian Lee...The Traveller